Society has a way to label everything. In this particular case, it evolves separated parents and a child. Usually the main care taker is demeaned as greedy and spiteful as where the other part time care taker or inactive parent is demeaned as the victim. In some cases this may be true however I find so many people automatically default to this conclusion prior to even learning that each party has a different experience.
Right off the bat I want you to know, as a reader, that this is not to bash the other party. I actually wish the other well and I hope that more positive will prevail soon. This is to simply filter through my own thoughts. Here’s a little about what I’m processing…
I am an active parent for my son and I’m continuously looking out for his welling being including what he interacts with on a daily basis that will hone his foundation for a positive future. I am going through a tough time as a single parent (all worth it). The father leads a negative lifestyle and is not active. I also want to say that I’m not keeping the father from being active even though I fear the father. I fear him due to past happenings however I want to protect my son so I’m doing what I know is right for him.
I struggle as an active parent because I don’t know how one can decide to not be an active parent. My thoughts say that at least it’s safe due to no direct presence and the negative influence will not feed into my son’s foundation for a positive future. In my other thoughts, my heart hurts for my son because the father doesn’t want to be a dad. I also feel intermediate anger (not spite or revenge) that there’s not even a tiny piece of effort on his part to see or reach out to his child. I hope that my feelings of heartache/anger are normal however I’ll continue to be a strong/positive influence for my son. I do know that the father’s priorities in life are different than mine and maybe this is the simple answer…Priorities are different.
I know that I’m not the only active parent who has this similar case and maybe I’m not meant to understand why inactive exists. I have to say though, I wish society would be more kind with understanding different positions because even though I selected him to be a father, he currently is not the same person I selected from the beginning. I really wish the father to be a dad with or without being in a relationship with me but that is not my decision. He has to want to be active and he has to want to be a positive influence.
In the bigger picture of things, I know things will work out for the best and my feelings I struggle with daily motivate me to be the best mom I can ever be. I could only hope that others who are two active/semi active parents will work together for their kid because they are blessed to both want and have the opportunity. They should make the best of it. As for people who aren’t parents, I could only hope that they don’t take societies labels as the norm or use naïve statements because everyone knows that who can make one may not be suitable to raise one. For those who are the only active parent like me, you are not alone and you can do this. Your child loves you more than you know.
I may not have filtered my own thoughts to where I wanted them and I may have taken 3 days to write this which wasn’t easy but my thoughts are shared and I can reflect.
Be strong, move forward, be the best positive you that you can be – struggle & strength